Advice for Writing Smut
- Refer to a character’s penis as their “bingle bongle dingle dangle”
- If the above does not work, try, “wiggle stick” or “cricket bat”
- For the breasts, I always like “knockers” or “nunga-nungas”
- Who cares about foreplay get to the good stuff as soon as you can
- Everybody loves it up the bum
- Don’t listen to those anatomy books, the female genitalia is one massive slot. Like a piggy bank. All of our stuff goes in and out of there
- When in doubt, use the projectile orgasm
- Most penises are at least a foot long. This is why some people use a car jack in foreplay
- And also why sometimes, the penis might accidentally hit person being penetrated in the appendix
- Breasts are detachable. Do not make your character grab or bite at them too roughly, or they will fall off like jello that’s been thrown at a wall
- Whenever someone orgasms they immediately have to fart I mean that’s why it’s called an orgasm get with the program
- The size of a vaginal opening is inversely proportional to how aroused the person is. If you are doing it right, the vagina will disappear entirely
- If you have never see a penis, grab a cucumber from your local grocery store. Peel it. Smash it on the ground repeatedly. That is kind of what a penis looks like
These have been smut tips by october31st1981, I hope to see them all used in your future fics.
Best smut advice I’ve ever read.
A while ago, I was discussing the “dirty sexy alley scene” from City of Fallen Angels with Cassandra Jean.
Her: What’s the DSAS?
Me: Many years ago in the Shadowhunter fandom, someone dubbed the scene in COFA “the dirty sexy alley scene.” Then they all started getting monikers like that — Dirty Sexy Bedroom Scene, Dirty Sexy Club Scene, etc. At the moment they are:DSAS: the alley scene from CoFADSBS: Tessa and Jem in the bedroom from Clockwork PrinceDSCS: Jace and Clary in the club in Lost SoulsDSDS: Will and Tessa together in the dungeon/cell in PrincessDSES: Clary and Jace in an “E” place that is as yet unidentified but apparently underwater. :)It seems to be one per book, since there’s no Dirty Sexy Balcony scene for Will and Tessa, or Bedroom Scenes for Simon and Izzy or Maia and Jordan or Alec and Magnus. I don’t know why, though!”So Cassandra Jean kindly offered to draw them. Who am I to say no? So have a little Sexy Club Scene from Lost Souls.ETA: CLARY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR HAND
About Will and Jem…
Thanks again for your response to my question about Tessa! I originally wrote this the day after Heronstairs day, but with CoHF and TBC, I know you’ve been super busy!
I have a question regarding two big players in the Shadowhunter ‘verse: Will and Jem….
Hey, I would just like to say that I am a HUGE fan of your writing. Expically the Mortal Instruments. I can’t wait until City of Heavenly Fire come out. I would love it if you would write me back so please do. I had a question on how to intoduce an evil character without going into to much detail…
my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad
you’re my impossible girl
Lmao I hate this website
“When I was auditioning for Joffrey. I only had one audition, and the producers and writers were laughing at my performance because I was being so snotty and arrogant. They found it comical. I thought that was good.” —Jack Gleeson
“Jack is gorgeous – a wonderfully sensitive, quiet, intelligent scholar. He’s the antithesis of that character.” —Michelle Fairley
"Jack, who plays Joffrey is such a lovely fellow." --Ian McElhinney
“He’s this really contemplative, erudite, really gorgeous, generous human being, and he plays Joffrey so well. It’s very disturbing.” —Natalie Dormer
"Jack Gleeson, who plays Joffrey is an absolute sweetheart in real life, you know what I mean. He’s such a brilliant actor. I think he’s a genius." —Mark Addy
“He’s the most polite, lovely, intelligent person in the whole cast! He’s just so humble and everyone loves him. There’s nothing anyone can say bad about Jack. He literally just turns it on. As soon as they go, “Action!” he goes from lovely Jack to the most sadistic, horrible creep on television.” —Sophie Turner
“Jack Gleeson is really a very nice young man, charming and friendly.” —George R.R. Martin
"I kind of wish he would do more television interviews so that people can see what he’s really like, because there is so much hate for Joffrey, I feel protective of Jack now. If I were him, I’d be petrified that people would come up and slap me on the street! I should be his bodyguard." —Sophie Turner
"Jack is actually a very sweet boy and very bright, very intelligent young man with a natural talent." —Charles Dance
"Jack! He’s the coolest. He smokes a pipe, people. Talk about great acting for somebody who’s so different from the part he plays. I love that guy." —Peter Dinklage
do you ever just look at someone’s interpretation of a character and want to gently put your hands on their shoulders, look them kindly in the eyes and say you got it all wrong
That they haven’t read the book. Or they missed the entire essence of Augustus’s character. It would be one thing to be questioning whether Gus’s pretentiousness is a realistic teenage characterization and not a merely dramatically fictionalized one, but to critique him on just the plain fact that he’s pretentious? Yeah, missing the point.
oh god but baby harry watching peter pan on the tele and lifting his arms in the air and lily smiles and levitates him and he’s cackling with delight